“The best feeling in the world is the one, when you look you at him, he’s already looking at you.” — Alvin and The Chipmunks
I can’t put my finger on it…this feeling in my gut like I have unfinished business or so much to accomplish and yet so much uncertainty about how exactly I’m going to get where I’m going. It’s completely nerve-wrecking. I can’t seem to sit still and focus on one thing at a time because my mind is constantly swarming with things I need to do, responsibilities I haven’t fulfilled, ambitions I haven’t pursued, and this sick feeling like I need to get it all done within the next few months. Maybe it’s a quarter-life crisis. Growing up and realizing I’ll have to figure out my life
soon, real soon. No more pushing that thought aside and thinking to myself, “that’s tomorrow’s problem.”
I can’t even seem to figure out who I am, what I bring to the world, how I’m significant. Every time I try to see myself through different eyes, all I see is average…the horrible word that I feel has defined my 21 years of existence. Maybe it’s all the mind-numbing LSAT applications and personal statements. ”What makes you different?” ”What sets you apart from the rest of your peers?” “Why do we want you in our Socratic method thinking classroom?” To be quite honest, I don’t know. Call it what you want, lack of confidence, lack of direction, lack of motivation…either way, I still have no idea why I stand out from the rest. I had the unfortunate opportunity to associate myself with a couple of sorry individuals this year who basically told me just that.
“You’re a waste of potential.”
“Frankly, you don’t stand out.”
I hate that. I want to show them-prove them wrong. Stick it in their face and say THIS is what I’m doing with my life. THIS is where I’m going. You’re full of shit. But I have yet to find the evidence I’m looking for.
I hate what this post has become…a bitching ramble about my insecurities. But it’s a blog right? And why bother writing insignificant entries when you could write the truth?